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Gruntipedia fun: Prophet of Haters
The Prophet of Haters is well known amongst the Covenant, but not so much Humans or Flood (they can't really think anyway). His true label is The Prophet of Hate, but most call him the Prophet of Haters because he hates just about everything from Macy's, to Mcdonald's, to Pencils, and so on. He was most famous though for his battle with the Master Chief himself; but that's later on. Early Life The Prophet of Haters' true name is actually Bill Guy. He was raised on the lonely planet: Herpes. There he had a multitude of dreams, such as: becoming a surgeon, a model, a rapper, and ruler of the universe. He attended the university of Pepsi. There he learned many things of world-destroying technology. He graduated and moved into his own apartment in the ghetto. How he Became the Biggest Hater Alive One day, Bill was getting a slushie at Target. Then a bunch of women approached him, accusing him of "hatin" on their baby's dady. Bill then recited this line: "Jesus, are you like those whores from the Maury show?" This enraged the women, for they were those whores from the Maury show. So they called their boyfriends over and they shot Bill in the gut. He was rushed to the hospital. They gave him surgery but it was not successful. He was legally dead for about twelve seconds. Then he sprung back to life and broke one of the sugeons' necks. So he was put in an insane asylum. There he spent two days, thinking of how to escape. Two days later he ate his way through the stone walls. He ran all the way back to his apartment. He got a gun and headed for Target. There he found the women and their boyfriends who shot him shopping with a bunch of children. He shot one of the women in the back of the head, told the others to get down. Then he preached to them about how he was "The Prophet of Haters." Then one of the children tried to run, but the Prophet of Haters shot him in one of his butt cheeks, yelling, "ASS-SHOT!" Two minutes later he killed the five women, three boyfriends, and sixteen children by snapping their necks. This earned him a spot in the Book of World Records for "the killing of the most people in about three minutes." How he Became a Prophet Two years later, he signed up for the role of a Prophet with the Covenant. They found his anger to be quite usefull and called him the Prophet of Hate. His Works in the Covenant The Prophet of Haters was one of the most powerful Prophets in the Covenant, second only to the Prophet of Truth, and even he feared Hate's anger. The Prophet of Haters was in charge of the court system in the Covenant. Those who he found guilty would either be killed, forced to listen to a quire of Jackals sing until their minds imploded, or forced to watch 2 Girls, 1 Cup over and over again until they had visions of Cortana getting breast implants between Halo 2 and Halo 3. He is famous for his capturing of Meat and Taters; two douchebags who eventually became heroes. The Prophet of Haters was deemed Criminally Insane by most Jackals because of the fact that the Prophet of Hate ate a 200 pound Brute after killing him with a Plasma Rifle. Involvement with the War on Humanity The Prophet of Haters was the main progressor of the war on Humans. Any paper that had the words "destroy people" on it was immediatley signed and passed. He hated Humans, he hated everything. Soon, the Index was in the hands of the Prophet of Truth. So he and Mercy went along as Master Cheif teleported into High Charity. The Prophet of Haters heard of an incoming ship packed with AIDS and decided to stay behind in an effort to lead a troop of Drones to disable the ship. As the Drones aproached the ship, he waited in his holy chamber, looking out the window at them. Then, he found a warning on his Mac. It was from the Prophet of Truth. It said: HOLEY SHIT! MASTER CHIEF HAS ENTERED THE PROPHET'S CHAMBERS! GET OUT OF THERE! ALSO, HORDES OF AIDS HAVE ENTERED, TIME TO LEAVE! But, the Prophet of Haters did not leave, he waited on his throne for Master Chief to arrive. After about three seconds, Master Chief came in. This was the moment that the Prophet of Haters had been waiting for his whole life: a chance to kill the Master Chief. "So John," he said, "let this be our ultimate battle." The prophet pulled out a bowl of ramen noodles and ate them in one bite. The Master Chief pulled out an Energy Sword he stole from a dying Elite and began to scan his biolevels. With amazement, he said, "his SWAG level; IT'S OVER 9,000!!" Haters pulled out a Plasma Pistol and shot his Brute guard. He took his Gravity Hammer and battled the Master Chief for about five minutes. The Prophet of Haters had studied the art of fighting and found himself to be equally matched to the Master Chief. This battle raged on until the AIDS interrupred. Master Chief ran away, leaving Haters to fend off the AIDS. Haters knew what he had to do. So, he threw a grenade at them and jumped out the window. He fell over 182 feet and landed on a Phantom. He drove it to the Ark's control room where he would meet Truth. .]] When he arrived, he found Miranda pointing a Pistol and a Shotgun at some Brutes. The Prophet of Haters gave the Prophet of Truth a Spiker and said, "SHOOT THAT WHORE!" So Truth pwned Miranda, activated the Hula Hoops, and was killed by the Arbiturd. Just as Haters was about to pwn the "Arbiturd," Gravemind came and broke it up. Eventually, Master Chief broke up the Covenant and Haters found himself unemployed. Employment at White Castle Haters soon found himself working at White Castle until he saw a Human come in. The man asked for 50 burgers. "WHAT!?!? I'm not going to give you SHIT! I'm just going to shit on your dead body when I'm done killing you!" With that, he tackled the man and beat him until he drowned in his own blood due to internal bleeding. The Prophet of Haters was sent to the insane asylum...again. How he Broke out He broke out by killing his room-mate and using his bones to dig himself out. The Fate of the Prophet of Haters When Haters broke out, he stole a Phantom and cruised around the universe randomly blowing up civilizations. He is still at large. ...]] Shit he did -Haters made "death by song," in which a prisoner would listen to a quire of Jackals sing until his brain imploded. -He set the record for "most people killed in about three minutes." -Flipped America the bird on the Dr. Phil show. -Broke out of the Insane Asylum. -Sexually harrassed Sarah Palin. -Had a hard-core battle with Master Chief. -Haters made "death by porn," in which a prisoner would watch 2 Girls, 1 Cup over and over again until they died or had visions of Cortana getting breast implants between Halo 2 and Halo 3. -Worked at White Castle. -Assisted in the murder of Miranda Keyes. -Blew up 5,003 planets. Famous Quotes Connection with Meat and Taters The Prophet of Haters appears to hate Meat and Taters but, in fact, he actually kind-of likes the two. He secretly admires their friendship and devotion. This also proves that the Prophet of Haters does have a heart, it's just a small one. He once even fought The Beast to save them. When he heard the news of how they died in the Flood hive, he was utterly destroyed on the inside. Eventually though, he was able to cope with it. He never forgot Meat and Taters though... What People Have to Say About Him The following quotes were recoreded during a meeting in which Dr. Phil (Gravemind) asked them, "What do you think of the Prophet of Haters?" Interesting Facts *He likes Burger King...a lot. *He is surprisingly not racist, just hatin' on everybody. *He is powered by ramen noodles. *He is still alive today. *He is the one who gave Truth a Spiker. *He likes pwnin' emos. *He is a fan of Jacke Chan. *He hates the administrators ban hammers because they're so much better than his hammer. *He watches Spongebob Squarepants. *His swag is so powerful that it can deflect a splazer shot. This is shown in a multiplayer match where some noob named Spaghetti&Noodles shot him with a spartan lazer; it was deflected off the prophet and hit another player. Strangely the smell of the lazer bouncing off haters smelled like a lot of AXE. *His favorite food is tacos. *When he gets really angry, a vein pops out in his head and his eyes change color. *His hands are stained with the blood of his enemies and aproximately five noobs. *He uses Aqua Di Geo cologne. *He can use all weapons except the rocket lawn chair, the famous ban hammer, and the SMG(because it sucks). *The Prophet of Pissyness is his step-cousin. *He was legally dead for about twelve seconds. *His favorite word is "whore." Final Message On September 24, 2553, the Prophet of Haters broadcasted a message to the entire Milky Way Galaxy. Here it is: "You are, all of you, douchebags. Just like Meat and Taters; but I am the riteous voice of the universe. I say, you will all die and meet Bill Gates in hell...you will be PWN'D by my ultra-powerful hand!" These were the last words heard from him. He is still at large and has blown up 5,003 planets since then. His Legacy The Prophet of Haters was known for his anger, power, and strength. The legend he leaves behind with us is that of the most powerful Prophet to live. A tyrant who refused to die to haters... Category:CharactersCategory:Unseen CharactersCategory:Douchebags